Die Deutsche in mir

Je länger ich in Australien lebe, desto weniger bin ich nur Österreicherin. Irgendwie bin ich auch Deutsche oder Europäerin. Oder einfach »from overseas« ... Alles, bloß nicht Australierin. Die eigene Identität wandelt sich mit der Zeit und man merkt plötzlich, wie viel man mit anderen Europäern gemeinsam hat – ganz gleich aus welchem Land diese stammen – und wie fremd man eigentlich auf der großen Insel ist.

Das ist mir wieder einmal bewusst geworden, als ich den Post von Liv Hambrett gelesen habe, in dem die gebürtige Australierin, die seit einiger Zeit in Deutschland lebt, in 151 Beobachtungen das Wesen der Deutschen analysiert. Es fällt mir gar nicht schwer, mich da hinein zu versetzen, es kommt mir gar so vor, als spräche sie über mich. Was ich besonders interessant daran finde, ist die Tatsache, dass sie aus einer vergleichenden Perspektive heraus beschreibt. Die Dinge, die ihr an den Deutschen auffallen, sind ins Gegenteil gekehrt genau jene Punkte, die ich an den Australiern hervorheben könnte.

Irgendwie kamen mir ihre Beobachtungen auch unheimlich bekannt vor, denn mein australischer Verlobter, der einige Jahre mit mir in Deutschland gelebt hat, hätte eine sehr ähnliche Liste verfassen können. Das zeigt einem wieder einmal, wie unterschiedlich die Mentalitäten doch sind und dass gerade auch im Angesicht der derzeitigen Krise in der EU nicht unterschätzt werden sollte, wie viel wir Europäer eigentlich gemeinsam haben. Und wie anders die Australier im Gegensatz dazu doch ticken. Hier ein Auszug aus Liv Hambretts 151 Beobachtungen:

• They are punctual. It’s in their genetic make up. They cannot be late.
• In fact, Germans place an enormous premium on the three Ps – Practicality, Punctuality and Planning.
• Germans worship wurst.
• Germans worship the pig. He is revered as both a lucky (Glücksschwein) and delicious little fellow in this country and there is no part of the pig that cannot be boiled, shredded, fried, processed, mashed, diced and consumed. And there is no end to the various pig likenesses that can be crafted from marzipan.
• They are good at mostly anything they do. Or, if they’re not, they try hard and become competent. Because …
• Germans are thorough. They seem to live by the ‘do it once and do it well’ principle. They work hard and effectively, despite working some of the shortest hours in the western world.
• Consequently, they are the strongest economy in Europe. What they do during those short hours is probably double what every other country manages to do in twice the time.
• They love a large, mind-bogglingly well stocked hardware store (with a bratwurst stand out the front). Perhaps because another mantra of the Germans could be; if you want something done well, do it yourself. Therefore they must be permanently well equipped to do things themselves, like renovate apartments with the help of a good friend and a few beers.
• They are refreshingly comfortable with nudity. The further East you go, the more apparent this becomes.
• Germans are generally candid, frank people. 
• They don’t necessarily say it to your face, at the time … but Germans don’t like it when you go against the tide in the supermarket.
• Or get on the bus through the wrong door. This they will say to your face, using a microphone and an unimpressed tone.
• Germans struggle enormously with the concept of ‘naked feet’. It is better feet be clothed at all times.
• They are not ones to make small talk at the supermarket check-out. Or in general, really.
• In fact, Germans hate small talk. Words without purpose are wasted words.
• This is because Germans are generally extremely direct people. They do not see a need for conversational subtext. They say it as they see it, while keeping you at the appropriate arm’s length distance. Directness and distance are valued social commodities.
• They have the single most nerve-wrackingly rapid supermarket check-outs in the world.
• They love their dogs. Often their dogs catch the bus with them and sometimes their dogs even dine with them in restaurants.
• Germans. Love. Bakeries.
• They don’t tend to go to the shops in track-pants and slippers.
• It saddens me to report there seems to be a higher instance of socks and sandals paired together in Germany, than in other countries.
• It is extremely rare to see a German throw out a recyclable bottle and, if they do (in the midst of a brain-snap) someone passing by the rubbish bin will very quickly pull the bottle out and take it to the recycling automat themselves. 
• They aren’t big on bread slicing. Sliced bread, ‘toast brot’, is relegated to the toaster and sandwiches made with sliced bread enjoy a disproportionately small section of the bakery display in comparison to their friends, the brötchen.
• They are bizarrely superstitious about wishing people a Merry Christmas too early, opening presents early and celebrating birthdays early.
• Germans. Love. Football. Love it. In fact the most passionate you will ever see a German is when they are watching, talking about, thinking about, dreaming about or playing, football.
• You may also catch a German in an act of passion if you raise the topic of cars. Germans love their cars and are very proud of their ability to make such good ones. Just ask them.
• It is a good thing they have good cars and an Autobahn of terrifying speed because the Deutsche Bahn is Germany’s dirty little inefficient secret. Delays come with your ticket purchase, free of charge. It’s DB’s gift to you.
• Germans can’t queue. Full stop, the end. They don’t know how, they have no interest in trying. This is the one time Germans embrace a lack of system and what happens when a queue is called for is the unfortunate culmination of Germanic forcefulness and uncertainty in the face of a system-less world.
• Germans can have entire conversations that consist solely of the word ‘doch’.
• They like ‘house shoes’. 
• It is always too hot, too cold, too windy, too warm, too humid, too snowy or too rainy. 
• No matter where you go – to a festival, on a road trip, to a sporting event – you will find a clean public toilet.

No worries!

FOTO: ANNA MOTTERLE (FLICKR)